A Quick Catch-Up

Before I even start, I have to say that Pierce the Veil has become my favorite band. I bought their album Selfish Machines, and I'm just in love. Their music is more like the kind of music I listened to in middle school when I was depressed, but I've been really happy the past two months.

Well, mostly happy. There's been some heartache and tears, of course. But I've been doing a lot better.

I'm sixteen now!! It's been awesome so far. I haven't gotten my driver's license, but I plan on getting it next week with Austin. He hasn't gotten his yet either, so we're trying to go on the same day. We were going to do it this week since it was fall break, but things got kinda crazy and we both weren't really ready.

I'm hoping to get a job soon, too. I talked to my parents about it the other night, and they're okay with it as long as I keep my grades up. My mom wasn't as enthusiastic about it like my dad, but... I really do want to try to have a job.

If it doesn't work out, it just doesn't work out. But I wanna try.

OH. I didn't have a birthday party, but the cool thing was that HOMECOMING was on my birthday! My birthday was on a Saturday, so I woke up, got dressed, went out to eat with my friends at a chinese restaurant, and then we all went to homecoming. We all danced together since the only real couple among us was Austin and Natasha.

Oh, and my birthday gift from all of them was this GIANT teddy bear. It's almost as tall as me. It was Natasha's idea, and everyone chipped in, and it was just really thoughtful. I had talked to Natasha about teddy bears a couple weeks beforehand, and it was just really sweet that she remembered.

So yeah, after that, I went home at, like, 11:30 that night, and I had my birthday cake. I made a wish on my sixteen candles. Then Austin offered for me to spend the night at his place, and we ended up crashing not an hour later because we were so exhausted from homecoming.

AND CORY COULDN'T GO BECAUSE HE WAS GROUNDED. Oh, that sucked. That was probably the one dent on my night.

I got to see Kirtney at homecoming. She tried to make me grind with her, but I just couldn't do it seriously. She didn't really hang around for long, though. But she had her reasons. I wish she would have.

But yeah, that was my sixteenth birthday. It was great.

I can't believe it still. I'm sixteen. I'm a sophomore. It feels like just yesterday was my first day as a freshman, staring at all the older kids who had cars.

Speaking of cars, my parents are planning on giving me the car we have now in a couple months. It's a silver Jeep, and it's only about two years old. It's pretty nice. I can't wait to have it, honestly. I think it's perfect for me.

I get my report card next week. I'm pretty confident I have nothing below a B. But I think most of my grades are B's. Which is okay. But not what I'm aiming for. I dunno. We'll see.

Fall Break has been really good. It's given me some much-needed time to rest.

I'm going to stop here for now. I have more to say, but I think I'll refrain from saying it all so I'll have something to post about soon.

Until then...

Au revoir!

Salut! Ca va? Je suis bien.

So, what's up in the life of Levi, you ask? Let's see.

Yesterday was Cory's birthday. He turned 15. Yay. :3

Friday night I went to the movies to see Vampires Suck with Cory, Austin, Cat, Natasha, Didi, Callie, Claire, and, much to everyone's dismay, this new guy Colin. Hardly anybody likes him. He's like the new Zane. Poor guy.

Oh well.

The movie was pretty funny. The whole night was a lot of fun. There were a lot of other people we all knew there. It was crazy. Oh, and Cat had an amazing car. <3 She drove Austin, Cory, and me to the movies and home. Cat's amazing.

She got me into this band, Gregory and the Hawk, and I love her for it. I'm going to have to thank her tomorrow at school.

Last week, school was pretty rough. Wednesday and Thursday were both really bad. Friday was an improvement, and this weekend has helped me relax and mentally prepare myself for this week.

I've been doing some studying and homework for the past two hours. I'm taking a break right now, but I really don't have a whole lot more to do.

I've been doing well in school, academically. Socially, I could be better. Mentally, I could be doing better too.

I'm trying.

He kissed my head and quietly he said, "It's not that you're not beautiful, you're just not beautiful to me."

I said, "How beautiful do I have to be?"

Today was a good day. Probably because I actually got enough sleep last night. I had a lot of homework, a lot of studying was left undone. I still have a couple days to do it, though, so it's all good.

I'll be going to bed shortly, but I just felt like making a blog post. I didn't really get to write down any of my thoughts for today.

I failed a vocab test in biology class today. I was so disappointed. I wasn't expecting it to be such a hard test, but it was. So I have to study harder this time and every time after.

Rhianne and I have talked a little bit. I'm scared to talk to her as much as I want to, though, for two reasons.

1.) I'm afraid she doesn't want to talk to me.
2.) I'm afraid it will make Kirtney freak out.

Kirtney told me it was okay to talk to her. She understands that I miss her. But she freaked out over it yesterday, about how Rhianne was already becoming more important to me. It scared me a lot.

I'm not picking one over the other. I'm not picking anybody over anybody else anymore. All of my friends mean the same to me. Kirtney, Rhianne, Cory, Austin. All of them I would die for.

Natasha is really cool, too. I might even take a bullet for her. And maybe even Callie. On a good day, I'd jump in front of a bullet for Callie. Yeah.

Today was boring at school. Not much happened. We had a short assembly during second period. I sat by Kirtney. I talked to Callie on the way there. She invited me to go to the movies with her, Natasha, and Austin to see Vampires Suck. I think I just might go since Callie and I are on neutral terms.

I'm going to ask if I can take Cory, 'cause Cory has been wanting to see it, and I already told him I'd go see it with him. But I really want to go with them too. I think they'll be fine with Cory coming. Callie likes Cory, and Austin definitely does too. Natasha doesn't really know him.

I think it would be really fun. I haven't had a group date in a while.

Oh, and maybe Kirtney might go too. I know she's been wanting to go see a movie with me. I told her I would this weekend. If she doesn't want to go with everybody, I'll just see a different movie with her. I wouldn't mind at all.

I don't see why she wouldn't want to go, though.

I think some fun is needed right now.

Fighting and screaming, begin the deep breathing.

But you know that I can't live without you. Hearts have been broken, and we have both spoken. We felt love and pain too.

I had a crazy weekend, sorry for not posting. Saturday, Austin, Cory, and I went to the mall. These two different groups of girls asked for our numbers. It was pretty amusing. Then we went to Best Buy, and Austin bought some video games. Which we all played back at my place.

Austin and Cory spent the night, and we stayed up until 6 in the morning. Then slept until 12. It was fun.

Sunday was rough for me. I don't want to get into it. But basically, I ended up having to text Rhianne.

I try very hard not to crawl back to people and beg for forgiveness. I try not to be that kind of pathetic type.

I don't think I did that, but it felt like I was, in some form or way, being pathetic.

It IS pathetic, how I miss her... and how I needed her yesterday.

But talking to her yesterday did help me. I've felt rough today, but I feel like I'm starting to move in the right direction.

Kirtney has me writing down my thoughts throughout the day. At first I thought it was stupid, but I kind of like it so far. Nobody's read anything I wrote for today yet. I don't know if I'll keep it that way or not.

I'm exhausted.

Bad luck?

I survived the first week.

It was really rough, a lot rougher than last year. Kirtney and I had some problems. I saw Josh way more than I would have liked to. I have a jerkface of a history teacher. I overslept Thursday morning.

But I'm going to make it.

Today was a good day, up until I got a text from Austin at around 10 o'clock tonight. Apparently his friend did something to hurt him, and he's been upset about it. Really REALLY upset. I'm trying to find out what happened, but I still haven't gotten it out of him. I'm worried.

Expect another post sometime this weekend.

They were eager to learn, to be taught, and to teach.

Today was a lot to take in. New people, new motions, new lots of things.

At the end of it all, I can say that today was a good first day back to school. I can see myself doing well this school year if I apply myself, which I will.

Chemistry sounds like it's going to be hard, but I want to push myself. We talked about living on a career with just a high school education in geometry class today, and all I could think about was how I didn't want that to be me. I want to be in the few percentages that loves their job and loves what they do.

I want to go to college. I want to further my education. I want to understand things in a better way. I want to understand myself. I want to improve, to build, to create, to challenge, to endure, to succeed.

I want to live the fullest life I can.

This year is about healthy relationships with the people around me and staying focused on my grades. It's kind of a long shot, but I really want to be valedictorian of my class in my graduating year. I ranked 10 out of 361 students last year.

I think that's good.

But I can do better.

Short skirts, long hair, my hormones flying everywhere.

I always found it hard to work things through. Those school uniforms made a joke, made a joke of me and you.

So. It's Sunday night. I just had a bath and ate dinner (macaroni and cheese). I've taken some medicine that will hopefully help me sleep tonight. I can't stop thinking about tomorrow.

I'm going to talk about today in this blog post, though.

I went over to Kirtney's house at around 1:30 in the afternoon. We watched TV for an hour or so, and then we played a card game with her parents. I won. I'm proud to brag about this because I had never played the card game before. :)

Her parents dropped me off at my place at around 4:45, and then my mom and I went to Office Depot to get a few last school supplies. I mostly just needed a compass for geometry.

Then I went to Barnes & Nobles and Target, and I just browsed through the books. I found a couple things I wanted to buy. With school starting, I decided I'd just buy them later. I have to pay for things like my locker and lunch.

It was weird being at B&N and Target. Especially on a Sunday. I kept having flashbacks to when Rhianne and I would always hang out there. Like when she ran up to the Target sign, looked straight up at it, and commented on it's height. Or when we sat on the bench outside of Target and blamed Old Austin for all the shit that happened to us.

I started to blame Old Austin for how things ended with Rhianne and me, but then I realized it was all my fault. I'm responsible for my actions. The blame is entirely on me.

I look back on everything, and I see how I become worse of a person as a relationship progresses. It's like I stop caring as much, I don't put in the same amount of effort that I do at the beginning. And it's not a sufficient amount of effort anymore.

That's something I'm going to work on.

I know I don't get a second chance at being friends with Rhianne, but I'm going to learn from that. I would apologize to her, but I don't think she'd appreciate me digging stuff up. I'm just going to let it be and hope that everything ends up okay with her.

Life is scary.

But beautiful.

Sophomore Schedule

1. Honors Geometry
2. Honors French I
3. Honors English 10
4. Health 1st semester/ Art 2nd semester
5. Honors Biology
6. Honors US History
7. Honors Chemistry

Am I a good person?

Gosh. It's been a while since I've done this, hasn't it?

Anyways, it's the end of the summer. I'm going to have my first day of my sophomore year in high school on Monday.

I'm scared.
I'm nervous.
I'm excited.

Freshman year was... an amazing time, overall. I made new friends, I discovered more about myself, I had some new experiences (good and bad). I sort of grew a backbone at the end of the school year. By the end of it all, I had cried a lot, and I had laughed a lot.

I made so many memories that I wouldn't trade anything for.

This summer has been the same way. I've gotten better with my driving, and in October I'll turn 16 and get my license. I went to Illinois for two weeks to live with my grandparents, and while I was up there I spent a weekend in Chicago. I saw a lot of things I had never seen before.

I realized how important home was to me while I was away and how much I took it for granted.

This summer I became closer with Austin, a junior at school who lives near me.

Recently I've stopped being friends with Josh, which is a positive thing for the most part.

My best girl friend Kirtney and I had some rough parts, but we made it, and I love her more than ever. She's been there a lot for me.

My best guy friend Cory is still hanging in there with me, which is a miracle in my eyes. After 5 years you'd think he'd get sick of me. I'm glad he hasn't though.

I really feel like I've found myself a close group of people who I can be myself around. I love all of them, and I haven't felt so accepted in a long time. They make me want to be a better person every day.

I hope I can meet up to their standards. I want to make something of myself to make my friends and family proud of me.

[Untitled Poem]

I think I'm falling for you too fast
My mind is screaming throw on the breaks
But my heart is pressing on the gas

Once we reach the stop at the red light
Your hand meets mine, fingers intertwine
And nothing has ever felt more right

The speed limit now is fifty-five
Except the cops are out on patrol
So we're going slow to stay alive

Think of us like partners in crime
Running from the scene, hiding from eyes
Guilty of nothing but taking time

Don't drop me off at my apartment
Because home is where ever you are
Words couldn't express what my heart meant

Please ignore the time, let's drive around
Or park somewhere and talk about dreams
Of maybe someday leaving this town.